The Kiddo Connundrum: Addendum

Oh moms, we’re all in this chin-deep aren’t we? And non-moms, you have your own beasts. And dads…men. Well, write your own blog 😉

I usually use this forum to talk about how lucky I am (ugh, that sounds horrible and conceited…but true), comment on my personal pursuit of happiness, chronicle child development and life happenings, etc. If I were to articulate a persona I’d say I tend toward optimistic, albeit frazzled. I regularly lament stress and general overwhelm but I’m rarely negative.

My last post felt really negative.

And it was. And that’s okay.

Life is more than roses and that perfect motherhood experience of sunshine and slobbery kisses is a sham. I know I’m a richer, more relateable person for my faults. And lately my grumpy and discontented flaw is showing an awful lot. Some of that is the kids, their ages, our current stage in whatever-the-eff you call what we have going on. And some, maybe a lot, of that is me.

If I could suspend my quest for efficiency I would. If I could slow down the racing of my mind I would. I know that the girls are “the problem” only so far as I allow them to be.

That being said.

When are they old enough to leave home alone? (and not be removed by child protective services) I get that when that day comes, I’ll miss these “innocent” times, but some days it does seem like I’m living for when there’s more self-reliance on their part.

A friend recently posted this Huffington Post article on Facebook and I think it makes a really good point. Except the old lady is inside of me. It’s hard to hold both ideas of savoring every moment and getting the fuck through this stage. Very well articulated by Ms. Glennon Melton in Don’t Carpe Diem:

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking.

female mom rock climbing mountain climbing mount everest determination analogy

They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

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Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right…in her own way…and she happens to be honest.

All I can do is try. And be thankful for this outlet and the support it allows me to garnish. You mamas are all the best, even with your glaring imperfections 😉

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One Response to The Kiddo Connundrum: Addendum

  1. I love that quote! I agree that it is people’s first reaction to judge a mother (and chalk it up to a man being a man when its a dad) when she admits just how hard parenting it. For the first year I would always exclaim to James, WHY DID NO ONE TELL US THIS WOULD BE SO HARD! I believe there is some conspiracy to keep it hush-hush because women are told not to discuss the difficulties of parenting as it is our duty, our evolutionary role, to raise children therefore if you cannot hack it, then there must be something wrong with you. This is the same reason so many of us feel like failures when we require C-Sections. Also, I sometimes wonder if it is a white-woman’s disposition and other cultures are more open about the realities of parenting?

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