I don’t think I need many words beyond those above tonight. I’ve had the amazing fortune or sharing my feelings over recent days with a variety of people in amazingly various forms: in person, via text, online message/email, facebook post and/or comments, phone calls or emailed screen shot.
I’m in completely dualistic places in this exact moment. Both catapulting ahead with life (as always, always!) and paused, knees bent, in a leap of faith. Swirling with certainty and doubt. Excruciating as these drawn out moments in life are, they are what keeps it exciting, what marks one year from another. They break up the monotony and tantalize the imagination.
As each month passes lately, I further appreciate the complexity of us, as human beings. Our physiological reactions and limits, our emotional responses and protections, our relational needs, our innate drive for community. Our individual complexities. Our widespread and deep running tendency to follow our peers, believe what we’re told (sold), live in denial or fear or conformity. We all carry so much, in various levels of awareness.
I find myself carrying my own fear and hope and exhaustion and motivation and scars and strength. And this newfound exploration of how amazing and functional this can be in the context of community. I think I’ll probably always run as deep–and tend toward as pensive–as I always have. I’m as much a dichotomy of optimist and pessimist as I’ve always been. And yet I’m surrounded by support through both these views, all the pieces of myself. It’s like some synergy happens and impossible things fall within reach, doubt takes flight.
The more heart-wrenching, mind-twisting, soul-searching whirlwinds I emerge from, the more insight I have on myself–and the better prepared I am for the next life storm. It’s so easy in this life to get comfortable–and stay there. But growing predictably, in the appropriate season, within a well-tended garden plot is only one type of life. Admirable. Beautiful even. Sustainable.
Hard to even compare to the life of the wildflower, forcing it’s success, sustenance, and mere existence into every available crack and cranny. Relentless. Brave. Independent. Stunning. May we all have a piece of wildflower in us. That seed that wants to break free. That bloom that calls to be seen. That flower that takes all it can from everything around it and gives back all it has in it’s mere existence.